Imagine a bored adolescent who has two more years of college ahead of him and the worries of Life don’t yet torment him.
i am not THAT bored
So Dont get me wrong
Just was wondering why blue is called blue
While pulling on the elastic of my Livestrong
i am not THAT bored
And My friends will second me
Unless its that day; or the other one
When i was figuring out the mechanism of a key
i am not THAT bored
Coz i love activity
Really fast paced and filled with thrills
Therefore I watch every show that they call reality
i am not THAT bored
Despite what you heard
Its just that i really dont remember when
Was the last time i shaved my beard
i am not THAT bored
That i’ll write this
But i accept i may just be a little teenie tiney lazy
Else i would have written more than 5 verses
There comes a phase in one’s life when one just doesn’t understand anything. Nothing holds value. There is no anchor to a ship that knows its bearings but has lost its direction.
There is guilt of not doing something. But what to do? Where to begin? Or is it that one begins again, every single time, only to begin again? How does one lose sense of direction? Lose the grip of what matters? Is it options? Too many that lead to paralysis? How does one regain the clarity of thought? Was there ever clarity? Or only false belief without acknowledging the realities?
There was a plan, that didn’t work out. Or did it only get delayed? Is that the plan still? Or has something changed? What is important? What does one want? What is success?
Who is the role model? The one that you model your success after? Should there be one? What is one’s calling? There is a need to create, a need to further humanity, a need to live a certain kind of lifestyle.
There are some strengths, some threats, some habits. Life partner and career – is anything else needed? A healthy body, yes. Sufficient finances throughout life. What is sufficient? Experiences, but allow oneself to live those. Attitude – positive. Shit will happen. Fortitude. Defensive mode and upping the guard and talking bullshit. WHY? In the end, nothing matters. But till the end, what does?
What is the truth? What is my truth?
I want to have the best education in the best universities with the best professors and get the best job earning the best salary. I want to live my life to the fullest and in the best possible way – I want to go to America and live the American Dream.
I want to get away from the fast paced life and live a life of relaxation, with no worries about money or relations or health or culture. I want to pursue my passions of trekking and rafting and sailing and flying as more than mere hobbies. I want to tingle my tastebuds with different cuisines and spend my days with following different traditions and partying on yatchs. I want to go to Europe – and live on a Eurotrip for life.
I need to find my inner calling. I want to understand the true meaning of life. I want to attain inner peace. I want to awaken my subconscious. I want to understand the causes of poverty and how to eradicate it. I want to surround myself with people and I want to be alone. I want to climb to the top of mountains, bathe myself in holy rivers and understand the peaceful culture of family bonding. I want to go to Asia – I want to find peace in life.
Fuck this shit, I’ll take the first boat out – I just want a life. 😎
i woke up today to a superb Q&A on Quora. It touched me by its simplicity and relevance in my life. Here is the link to the piece:
There have been too many complaints on my part about not having good teachers throughout my under-graduation. Gradually, though, i have understood that its not that i have had bad teachers; i have just been looking for good teachers for the wrong subjects. i didn’t need a good teacher to teach me my curriculum at 21; i needed a guide and a mentor that would help me filter out what’s important from the humongous load of crap that clouds my mind. And i had such a mentor. In fact, i had more than one. And not just now, at 21: i have always had the teacher i need since my memory can recall people. My first teacher was my mother, who gave me my name and told me who i was. My second was my father, who loved and disciplined me while i grew up. My immediate family and neighbors. Soon my younger sister, who made me realize that the love i got, i could give as well. My school teachers, i remember every one of them. i loved them all. My favorites. They gave me my childhood. My sports sir, who remembers me by my nickname to date- always a smiler, he. My tuition sirs, who opened my mind to puzzle solving and brought out the curiosity in me. My English language teacher, who i like to meet every now and again to re-ensure that i can speak the language properly, and realize that a good life is more than just a career. A true mentor, now, in my early 20s who would just tell me enough to help me figure out what i wanted from life- he taught me to keep in touch, always. My best friend, who will always be there whenever i need him. My better friend, who taught me trust and understanding was enough for a relationship to survive. Another friend, whom i have inspired, and who has inspired me in turn- we will both be teachers one day. Many, many others, who have had an impact on me being me.
The piece taught me a great lesson. Keep in touch. Do that for your teachers. Give them the confidence that they are doing something right, how once they gave you the same confidence in yourself. Be a good student- that’s the ultimate outcome for a good teacher. i leave you with this quote:
If I didn’t write RIGHT NOW, I would never forgive myself.
I love writing. I get inspired all the time. I keep telling myself I’ll write. So today I will.
I woke up at 5.15 and couldn’t fall back to sleep; and now I am sitting on the rocks next to sea at the park near my house at 5.45 am. Its been so long since I woke up so early. The smell of the fresh morning. The feel of the cool winds of dawn in your face and in your hair. The soft sounds the waves made when they hit the rocks and crumbled under them. I had forgotten how it feels to be awake at dawn.
Today, incidentally, is the day of my new dawn as well. I am clear on my path for the next step of my academic career after a tough decision making phase that has lasted an entire year.
I spoke to a friend who I know will always be awake anytime in the wee hours of morning and will respond to even a text. Nice feeling- to have someone who you can call in the morning. I like morning people. Maybe I am one. Anyways. I am drifting. But I am like that. Where was I ?
Yes. Morning. Seaside. Writing. I met someone on a social networking website a few days back. Good girl. Instant connection. I read her blog this morning. She too loves to write. Thanks to her blog I am writing right now. If ever you are in need of inspiration to write, you can find it in her blog at http://juie2712.blogspot.in/
But the morning. Reading a new person at the seaside. Talking to a true friend. Meeting a random uncle who hated the congress and his father for beating him up. Learning and, more importantly, accepting, that dreams will come true wherever I am as long as I don’t give up on them. A day to remember.
Have a nice day.
Introverts have trouble talking to people but can always find comfort in solitude.
Extroverts need only step out of the house and into a crowded pub to get over their blues.
But what can we ambiverts do???
Ambiverts are easily dismissed as being normal people that can mingle easily with people in real life as well as characters from books. Wrong.
We can’t. Our moods are just not in our control. I cannot choose to be outgoing when a friend is hosting a party. Nor can I get myself to sit down when I say I want to read a book. I have phases when staying indoors is suffocating. I want to party and meet new people and do exciting stuff like gatecrash weddings, go gambling and dancing. I want to put my head outside the car at 140kmph and shout- hell, I have even sat on the roof of a car shirtless in Goa! Contrastingly, I also have had phases when I don’t want to talk to anyone and sit at home and watch an entire season of Suits or read a 1000 page book. I have actually holed myself up indoors for a week,stepping out only at dusk to visit the temple else mother wouldn’t give me dinner.
The case I am trying to make here is this: being an ambivert doesn’t assure flexibility. When your friends know how crazy you can get and you turn them down for a night out a day after your exams. When your mother knows that you are a voracious reader but haven’t picked up a book in a month just because you haven’t been in the house enough. When sometimes you get frustrated with yourself for being soo dead or tooo lively. When you feel like writing about your feelings but get too bored after the first sentence. That, fellow mortals, is being ambivert. We are not normal. We aren’t abnormal either. We are just in a difficult place somewhere in between. But we are also some of the coolest humans around. So try and understand us. If not steer wayyyy clear.
To us- who got bored yet loved this piece. Ambivert and proud. Ciao.
Life in every breath
The moments I stay awake
The moments I ponder before sleep descends
I realize that life is when we are awake
And when we sleep it truly ends